As of 3:00 this afternoon, I'm officially an english and writing major! Praise God!!!! :D
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
and sticks it on a t-shirt is my friend.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
My life has been crashing down around me recently and I've felt that there's been no hope for anything anymore. God has been sending me little messages that literally say "do not worry."
The other day I bought a ring that says:
Phil 4:6 -Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
(because we all know that I have a big worry problem, I had to purchase it.)
When I got home that night, I had an email from K-love, a Christian radio station. The email contained the daily Bible verse and it happened to be Phil 4:6. Talk about God moment, first one I've had in awhile. Along with this, I've had texts from MB that just says "stop worrying", emails from Dayspring store advertising merchandise and stories about worry, and over 15 books from Oma about healing and anxiety.
Although, all these signs kept popping up, I still went into work rather upset yesterday. I just recently decided to change my major, my health is a rollercoaster, Zach is lost in a pit of depression, I still haven't heard from Nate (although my brother has, but that's another story, one which indicates that all is well between us and I should not worry, although I do it anyway,) and MB was acting strange. I felt things were disjointed and I couldn't get back into the groove of life. The anxiety had taken over all my thoughts and I had lost sight of my trust in God. That was until a boy about 12 came up to me and asked me to show him where to get the white bread. I took him to isle 11 and pointed out where he can find what he needed. A few minutes later he came through my line ready to check out. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: I hope you found what your mother wanted.
Boy: Yes, ma'am. This is exactly what she needed, thank you so much for your help.
Me: Well, that's what I'm here for, to help kids like you find their groceries. (I then handed him his change)
Boy: Thank you so much ma'am. I'll pray for you and hope you have a blessed day!
Me: You have no idea how much it means to me to hear a kid your age say that.
Boy: Well, ma'am, I'm a Christian, I'm not ashamed of my faith and I think everyone should know that Jesus loves them and so do I. That's what my faith is all about.
Me: You truly have made my day so much better. I want you to know that I'm a Christian too and what you just told me has given me hope again. Thank you so much.
When the boy walked away with his bread, I turned around and knelt down beside my register with tears streaming down my face. This was the hope I needed, the messenger that God sent to me to tell me that He loved me and was going to take care of me. A little boy and his bread, as simple as one little kid can be, he was the one, the one who guided me back to the light. Kiddo, thank you for that, for being honest with your faith.
"How can I love, without grace?
Shine a light on Your face,
If you're real, then show me now,
Who you are"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Summer is almost over! Can you believe it?
The gang and I move back into school in less than a month, what in the world?
With summer came ice cream, oceans, pictures, friends, and best of all roadtrips, which if you've been reading my blog, already know all about.
Traveling is what we love best and I'm super pumped to see what roadtrips and adventures God is going to have for us this fall.
What's being planned?
A girl's weekend with MB to Lake Gaston in September!
and a fall weekend spent in Boone at Oma and Opa's, with MB and Nate!
hopefully the leaves will be beautiful,
the apples will be perfect,
and Tweetsie will be running it's haunted train ride.
Can't wait to get us all together again.
After being in Boone yesterday, I've realized just how much I miss those gorgeous mountains and my amazing grandparents. They talked about how much they missed the three of us much and can't wait to see our faces and hear our Godly words again. And let me tell ya, we've missed them just as much, if not even more!!
Nate sent Oma and Opa a message through me yesterday saying:
"Ich vermisse euch mit mein ganze Herz! Ich will ihr wierdersehen schon!"
translation according to a very tearful Oma:
"I miss you with all my heart, and can't wait to see you again!"
Oh, to all be back together with these amazing people, it will be an incredible weekend indeed!
Fall in the mountains starts in October but I can hardly wait! And on a side note, did you know that Boone means blessings? Funny how true that statement really is.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
"I have always responded with breathless excitement to anyone who has ever said that God does not live in a dogmatic scripture or in a distant throne in the sky, but instead abides very close to us indeed—much closer than we can imagine, breathing right through our own hearts." -Eat Love Pray
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Well my friends, I don't know where to start, truly I don't.
So I suppose I should start with letting you in on a little secret, I think I'm having a quarter life crisis, yes a quarter life crisis, and I'm afraid it's among the most terrifying things I've ever dealt with. My emotions are running high, like out the roof high, worse though, so are my hormones, which is never good.
I'm way on edge and probably driving everyone around me absolutely insane. I'm surprised MB is even speaking to me after the depressing, four-nights-in-a-row conversations with me crying for no reason. So let me start the jumble of junk that's been bobbing around my head the past few days.
- So my latest guilty pleasure is watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, it makes my life look so normal! It's terrible, I know, but I can't help it.
- So the second family is having some unresolved issues. I woke up the other morning with the cruel realization that I'm never going to get to be normal and most normal people are never going to understand me. This is all thanks to my ovaries of steel, aka the ovaries that hate me and don't work properly. So thank you PCOS, for causing multiple breakdowns, angry outbursts, and random panic attacks over the past week. I blame you, ovaries of steel, I blame you! However, MB keeps reminding me that this is the way I was made and that's why the people who love me actually love me. So I guess because I'm a work of art made my God, I cannot hate myself the way most people would. Although I have come pretty close. Zach has attempted to keep me sane although he's having problems as well. We're good at balancing each other out in times like this since we're both emotional wrecks. Alex and Corbin are off roaming their own little world, coming back to rescue me on my really bad mornings. I feel like we're all out trying to figure out who we are, and we're all failing miserably. I think I've done something to cause Nate to ignore me? I say that as a question because I don't know if that's actually the case. Zach tells me that because Nate and I are brother and sister, we have to love each other unconditionally, but also hate each other at least 60% of the time we spend together. After some prayer, I decided last night that I guess I shouldn't be too worried about Nate "unloving" me or kicking me to the curb because we've been through much worse, however, it still annoys and hurts me to no end to feel like I've done something wrong when I actually haven't (at least I think.) But then again if anything is going to hold this family together, it's gonna be God, and I just have to keep telling myself that. I get really tired of feeling like I dissapoint people, like I have really high expectations and everything, I also get tired of apologizing in general because I know it makes things worse most of the time. MB kept me on the phone for 3 hours last night trying to keep me calm, sending me Bible verses to get me through the night. It's so funny how you can be perfectly happy then all the sudden God brings you to this point where the sky is falling and waves are crashing and you can't breathe, it's like your lost, but your not. I keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but the more I try to reach for it, it gets farther away. I suppose this time, is actually supposed to be God's time. I pray He'll get me safely to that light of happiness again. But for now, we'll just learn from the journey to the end.
- My brother has been acting strange, as if he knows something that I don't. I take that back, more like doesn't have a clue what's going on. I'm saying this from the standpoint that he's acting stranger than usual. Which of course the broken ankle is probably not helping much. I feel bad because he doesn't understand why I'm upset all the time or why he had to delete certain people off facebook, but it's hard for me to explain it to him. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have to.
- Part of my quarter-life crisis has been saving the world from the comfort of my own home. I went out and bought Eat Love Pray the other day. I really think Elizabeth Gilbert is like my long lost twin who happens to be much older than me. So many of the thoughts that she has put on paper has run through my head at least once. I also bought an organic Iota tote, made of jute, best 20 bucks I've ever spent, seriously! I took up yoga and meditative praying yesterday morning, it's been rather rejuvenating to say the least (also kind of sore as well, but worth it.) I'm also trying my best to drink out of my camelback and not out of plastic bottles, that's still a major work in progress though...
- I've decided that my quiet time needs to be focused on one topic at a time, sometimes even the same thing two days in a row. Everytime I read the Bible I feel like the way it's written changes. I want to get all I can out of what I'm reading, I mean I've read the Great Gatsby over eight times and I always seem to miss or forget something. I think the Bible should be same, read it until it hits you, that beautiful smack in the face, when you really get it and you can really apply it to your life.
- I'm fasting from my facebook fast, yeah, I know, sue me okay? But really, I only have 53 followers on Twitter and over 1,000 friends on facebook. When I really need prayer, where do you think I'm gonna go to get the most prayer, not twitter (although I still ask on there as well.) So until this depression departs my heart, facebook will be intact.
- If you've read this far, I congratulate you, I've hardly had the attention span to write all that's been on my mind. Thank you for reading this far my beautiful readers!
- My addiction to Bones is horrible, so is that fact they referenced Sailor Moon on today's episode and I got all giddy inside.
- I keep having nightmares, last nights was about ninja cats.
- I have an appointment with Diana Carter to look into changing my major this Thursday, prayers for a good decision would be awesome please!!
- Work today was interesting? I tweeted that I wished Lowes Foods would stop playing the country remakes of my 80's music. They tweeted me back saying their sorry and they hope the remakes aren't too bad. Win or fail? I also checked out the band parent who flipped on me at a football game for "losing" her sons uniform hanger (I was the band captain and the uniform room coordinator.) She told her son to steal someone else's hanger, so then someone else stole another person's hanger, and so and so on, causing a large group of angry kids wanting to know where their hangers were. Apparently this was all my fault and she came down to yell at me. Great memory, oh yeah! Well, today I checked her out and her strawberries fell off the counter. I really just wanted to duck and cover, but I distracted her with much horror stories of dropped fruit in the store until Shawn could get a new box of berries for her, close call. Thank goodness she was my last customer of the night.
- Tomorrow I go to Boone! So excited to get out town, get to the mountains, and see my amazing grandparents!!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I was talking to Nate last night on the phone when he told me that he had done some research and discovered that Capitalism is the most Biblical form of government. We have a running joke about Communism being the best form of government because Nate has always considered himself communist. Nate even convinced my brother, Patrick, to change his name to something more communist, like Pavik (and Patrick then became Pavik on facebook, and Nate was proud.)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
My mind keeps turning over the last two days' events. I've been stressed... so stressed that I almost blew a cash register up at work yesterday, and that my friends, takes a lot of talent. So for all you moms out there, never bring me a wic tender and expect it to be done right, something will end up catching on fire or someone will end up crying, never fails. I already gave MB this threat and she just laughed at me saying that it take a lot of talent to blow up a cash register... but I almost did it, I can defy gravity.
My brother is trapped in the house with a broken ankle... you can just imagine what that's been like...
Yesterday in church we were told that even if we were die hard Carolina fans (which I am), and an NC State fan was hurt on the side of the road, even he is our neighbor and we must help him. I think I was the only one who laughed. It would have been better if Pastor had said Duke, then I would have really laughed.
I swear I think my brain is at least 70% song lyrics.
And The Closer marathon cancelled my back to back to back to back episodes of Bones tonight. Why TNT, why must you betray me this way. I wait 6 nights a week for Monday night, and you cancel it? Fail.
However, through this mess, God calmed me down today.
I have someone from my past who won't leave me be, I'm hoping they'll eventually figure out the reason for me ignoring their texts and phone calls. I also have an elusive German boy who managed to turn his phone into chopped suey, aka Nate who broke his phone and forgot to tell me. Thus I had to break the facebook fast in order to get a hold of him to confirm Thursday's plans.
But all is well, because right before Nate actually got back to me, my amazing facebook app "God Wants You To Know" told me that if I trust God in times that I'm concerned that things won't work out, they actually will work out. It's all about finding the faith to trust in God.
And lookey there, 15 minutes later I get a message from Nate, explaining what happened and proclaiming that he would send me a carrier pigeon to keep in touch with me. So things are on for Thursday with the second family and I can hardly contain my excitement. I just hope my cat doesn't eat this so called carrier pigeon...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
"I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales"
August Rush was just on Lifetime,
and how could I keep myself from watching it for the twentieth time?
so here are my thoughts.
- Homeless kids break my heart, I just want to scoop them all up and take them home.
- It annoys me when things are filmed in New York and Chicago and you see the person running around, and they are in a totally different part of the city than the movie is actually implying they are.
- I remember the night Nate and I stayed up doing laundry in the laundry room and watched this movie while drawing architecture sketches. Such a good night.
- I've seen this movie over twenty times and still cry at the end.
- The music gives me chills. CHILLS, every single time!
- August Rush gives me false hope that I can learn the piano in under 24 hours.
- It reminds me of the time that my childhood friend, Nash and I went on a triple date with our friends... it was supposed to be a double date but AJ and Thomas showed up so we just considered it a triple date. Really awkward having to explain that one.
- Robin Williams' character in this movie really makes me dislike men, just saying.
- I should really practice the guitar more than I do.
- And learn to play the cello part to August Rhapsody on bassoon.
- Mostly this movie reminds me that music exceeds all boundaries and never fails at bringing people together. That my friends, makes my heart sing with joy!
- And my favorite, a reminder from Ally on her thoughts on Jonathan Rhys Meyers....
Friday, July 9, 2010
The other night, Nate and I were having a life talk via text. In the middle of our intense God talk, Nate sends me the word: "frog."
"Frog? Are you mocking me or something?" was my response
and his response was,
"no, frog. F.R.O.G. Fully Rely on God. Frog? Get it?"
and I did get it,
it made all the sense in the world,
even though sometimes it's much harder to do than it seems.
He assured me that if I fully relied on God, then everyone and everything will be more than fine. Nate told me that there will be nothing to worry about because God would take care of it. Things would be just dandy, but I would have to trust that God would take care of it.
So I took Nate's advice, I fully relied on God.
But although this helped that night, when the morning rolled around and reality hit again, frogging was harder than I thought, especially once my emotions got in the way.
About the time I was over thinking the problems in my life my dad called me outside.
When I got out there he pointed at the back window of the car and sitting there, on the inside of my car, was a frog. No lie, I pretty little frog, a little reminder from God to fully rely on Him. I could hardly contain my excitement and ran inside to call Nate as my dad rescued the little frog from the hot car.
I adore it when God sends me little reminders that things are going to be taken care of, like they always are. So blessed that as a Christian, I can recognize the little gifts that God sends my way, this gift probably being the most unique (and cute) one I've had yet.
The playlist that has gotten me through the hot
- Sweet Disposition -The Temper Trap
- Cobrastyle- Teddybears Stockholm
- In the Sun- She&Him
- Seen Enough- Dryer
- More Time- Needtobreathe
- Be Mine- Erik Hassle
- Timelapse Lifeline - Maria Taylor
- A Light on a Hill- Margot and the Nuclears
- Heard it on the Radio- Bird and the Bee
- Listening to the Weather- Bic Runga
- Young Friend- Brooke Waggoner
- The Best of What's Around- Dave Matthews Band
- Make You Crazy- Brett Dennen
- On The Safest Ledge - Copeland
- Shoreline- Deas Vail (who may I add are amazing in concert!!)
- Disappear- The Gabe Dixon Band
- Daylight- Matt and Kim
- Set Free- Katie Gray
- Just Let Go- Mae (also incredible in concert)
- Never Too Late- Michael Franti and Spearhead
- Keep On Tryin- Poco
- Her Morning Elegance- Oren Lavie
- Come Save- Sarah Reeves
- Fearless- Cyndi Lauper
- Sheets- Damien Jurado
- Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
- I Will Show You Love- Kendall Payne
- You're Not Alone- Saosin
- Lying in the Hands of God- Dave Matthews Band
- The Beauty of the Rain - Dar Williams and Chris Botti (who is beyond, out of this world, incredible in concert!)
- Life is a Song- Patrick Park
- Breathe- Alexi Murdoch